Diary of a Poet
Volume IV
Getting Real© (1994)
When i was sixteen i wrote poem #66, in which i asked myself, "...a poet?", to which i replied, "No! The Poet!". At sixteen years of age i desperately needed that feeling in order to make my writings worth the effort. When i was twenty four i self-published my second book ( The first one was lost in the "files"; Memories 1980 +/- ) Just Scribbled Words 1986. At that time i needed the series title "Diary of The Poet" in order to believe my works was worth being sold. I was twenty five when waves of severe shame overcame me because of the arrogance and ignorance i had displayed assuming such a title. That shame was quick lived, though, and i realized without the crutch of that arrogance and that ignorance i would have stopped writing and trying to publish what i had already written. A second and third volume followed the ‘86, ‘87 and ‘88, 100 copy printings of Just Scribbled Words. ( A Month with Marie 1988 and Growing Still 1988 ) A cascade of positive feedback from the sales of the three volumes gave me my basis for believing a poet was what i should be, and brings me to the time i was writing the following ms. It took me two and a half decades to see that i was a distorted individual. It took me well over another year to find something to do about it. Being with a person who read a daily affirmation, and my own stubbornness to accept others’ ideas, gave me the idea for this daily poem writing. I had no idea how repetitious an attempt to change old beliefs would be! I did not know how deeply it would go inside of me. And i did not know how hard i would have to work to continue it. I found that without the crutches of first, second and third person writing, and the fact that the book was to be part of my series, i could not have finished it. I am now, two years later, beginning to reread the poems in order to hang onto the diverse insight that my present lack of repetition has caused me to forget...
Today, December seventh, two thousand and one, i find that i could use several rereadings...
SAMPLES
16Feb88
216
You are not the person
who heard love was a whip
And you are not the person
with lies upon your lip
You are not the person
who quivers in the dark
Listening to cruel master
too terrified to bark
You are not the person
who twists love to relieve
All the purpling pains of past
and their echoes of deceive
You are not the person
who runs from every toil
And the hex no longer holds
all that you touch will not spoil
You are not the person
who steals what he needs
Who prays for the punishment
to all his "dirty" deeds
You are not the person
who must have all or bust
Who has forsaken love
for the thrills of lust
You are not the person
who gives anger control
Who cares not for his neighbor
and wants to burn his soul
You are not the person
who makes violence his way
That was long ago
that was yesterday
You are the person
who loves with all his heart
Who has not achieved completion
but has found completion’s start
You are the person
in the mirror, deep brown eyes
Who loves himself at last
and is sorting out the LIES!
23Feb88
223
Dearest Jesus, Savior, Friend
thank You for another day
Help me listen, in myself
for things You have to say
Forgive me for the evil
so ignorantly i do
And help me use the talents
i have received of You
Give me what you have to offer
of love and joy and peace
Back me with Your strength
my demons to release
Thank You, Lord
14May88
304
Tomorrow runs in circles
of if-s and do-s and why-s
While yesterday sits silent
and often times it cries
Today starts out the prior
though ends the latter note
The two are sky and ocean
with here and now the boat
Even the best of swimmers
will drown in yesterday
And who do you know that flies
so there is no other way
Now is just a moment
all else is just a dream
Eternity is a halted second
and not what it might seem
Live the ‘now’ of Edgar Allen
for he was surely right
Heaven is that second
and thought is close to light!
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